The 2016 Campaign Songs Spawned By Satan
Former Maryland Governor Martin O’Malley is the latest politician to have his quest for the White House immortalized in song.
Martin O’Malley’s campaign for the Democratic nomination received a little help on Wednesday from the Corrigan Brothers, an Irish band who would like you to know that, “It’s time to party; He’s gonna be president, Martin O’Malley!”
The group released “Martin O’Malley Song,” a mind-numbing, 2:09 toe-tapper that could probably be put to use at Guantanamo. O’Malley’s campaign insists they had nothing to do with the song (like the guitars at all those campaign stops).
“Now Irish America has a new man,” the song boasts. “So let’s get behind him, support his team; His vision is a new American dream!”
Other notable lyrics include, “This Galway man will follow Obama,” and “He’s got it all: a great politician, a man of the people, fantastic musician!”
Asked if O’Malley had heard the ditty, a spokesperson responded that they had not yet talked to the candidate today. But O’Malley, who himself is in an Irish band, O’Malley’s March, and plays a long list of instruments including, briefly, the bagpipe, will likely appreciate the effort.
The Corrigan Brothers are best known for “There’s No One As Irish as Barack O’Bama,” which they released in 2008 under the name Hardy Drew & The Nancy Boys. (In 2013, in honor of Obama's visit to Ireland, the group released an updated version of the song, titled, “There’s Still No One As Irish As Barack O’Bama.”)
You can listen to the song in all of its glory here.
Because America is a blessed land, O’Malley is not the only presidential candidate with his very own song. Behold, an unofficial guide to the 2016 campaign anthems:
Rick Perry: When Perry announced his candidacy last week, he did so with a Kid Rock-style county-rap as an introduction. Perry’s campaign remixed “Answer to No One” by Colt Ford (feat. JJ Lawhorn), the freedom-loving chorus of which is ”I won't back up, I don't back down; I’'ve been raised up to stand my ground; Take my job but not my guns; Tax my check ‘til I ain't got none; Except for the good Lord up above; I answer to no one.”
Perry’s version of the song includes the lyrics, “Rick Perry supporter, let's protect our border; to hell with anyone who don't believe in the USA; Rick Perry all the way.”
“Colt’s actually a golfer, but he turned into quite a good country rapper,” Perry told CNN's Dana Bash. “It’s on iTunes today,” Perry informed.
Rick Santorum: In 2012, when Santorum last sought the Republican nomination, the Hanson-looking female duo First Love dedicated "Game On" to the family values candidate.
“Game on, join the fight; We’ve finally got a man who will stand for what is right,” they sang. “There will be justice for the unborn, factories back on our shore, when the Constitution rules our land. Yes, I believe Rick Santorum is our man!”
It didn't work last time around, but perhaps second time's a charm.
Hillary Clinton: In December, months before her announcement, the pro-Hillary super PAC, Stand with Hillary, unveiled a country ballad by the same name.
“Looking back in time, learning, hindsight’s always right,” croons a long-haired, cowboy-hat wearing man. “Now it's 2016, and this time I'm a thinking, guys, puts your boots on and let's smash this ceiling.”
The chorus is sure to appeal to grandmas everywhere. “Thinking about one great lady, like the women in my life; She’s a mother, a daughter, and through it all, she's a loving wife; There's something about her, this great lady; She’s caring, hardworking and once a first lady, she fights for country and her family—now it's time for us to stand up with Hillary.”
The video is like every New Yorker’s idea of what everybody who lives South of D.C. is like: