Unlike some more serious pundits, Stephen Colbert did not even try to hide his disappointment in the outcome of the Mueller investigation.
“I had a pretty good weekend,” the Late Show host said at the top of his monologue Monday night. “Not as good as Donald Trump’s weekend, but still pretty good.”
After asking his viewers to sit down, he shared some “troubling news” with them: “Our president is not a Russian asset.”
“I say ‘troubling news,’” he explained. “Because if Trump is not working with the Russians, then what the hell is wrong with him? If they don’t have anything on him then why does he keep saying nice things about Vladimir Putin?”
Describing Attorney General William Barr’s summary of Mueller’s final report as the “I-want-to-jump-off-a-cliff-notes,” Colbert lamented the “anti-climactic” nature of this entire ordeal.
“This is worse than the finale of Lost,” Colbert said. “What about the smoke monster, was it real or not? And if not, why have so many members of Trump’s campaign pleaded guilty to lying about meeting with the smoke monster?”
“Why couldn’t this have been like the ending of Seinfeld?” he asked. “Still disappointing, but at least they’re all in jail!”
Finally, the host addressed those who think Trump’s critics should apologize to him for suggesting he had committed the crimes of which he has now supposedly been cleared.
“I have said one or two things about Donald Trump, like how he’s a terrible president,” Colbert said. “So I’m just going to bite the bullet and say it.” Turning directly into the camera, he added, “Mr. President, if you’re watching, and I know you are… I’m sorry that you’re a terrible president.”