“You know who has a lot to be thankful for?” Stephen Colbert asked at the top of his pre-Thanksgiving Late Show monologue Wednesday night. “Donald Trump. Not only is he going to be the president, but he has the most amazing family.”
As the host reported, Trump told reporters at The New York Times this week that his son-in-law Jared Kushner could broker a peace deal between Israel and Palestine. “And after that, maybe he could broker peace between America and the other half of America,” Colbert joked.
He went on to address the various “conflicts of interest” that Trump could face as America’s richest president of all time, including foreign diplomats’ seeming obligation to stay at his new Washington, D.C. hotel when they visit him at the White House.
“Yeah, it would be rude for a foreign diplomat to meet President Trump and not stay at a Trump hotel,” Colbert said, “the same way it would be rude to come to America to meet President Kennedy and not fly into JFK.” He also knocked the Indian business partners who were recently photographed “giving Trump the thumbs up and ethics the middle finger.”
“Of course, now that he is going to be the president, business cannot occupy all of Donald Trump’s attention,” Colbert continued. “He’s got to save that for Twitter.” This past weekend, Trump once again angrily tweeted about Saturday Night Live’s depiction of him, demanding “equal time” for his side.
“What does that mean, ‘equal time for us?’” Colbert asked. “That’s not how it works, buddy. You’re going to be the president. That’s the guy who gets made fun of. If you wanted to be someone everyone loves, you should have run for ice cream man. And it’s the perfect job for someone who can dish it out but can’t take it.”