“I believe it’s time for some answers, so recently I went to Congress to investigate the investigations,” Stephen Colbert announced on The Late Show Friday.
Yes, the comedian has journeyed all the way to Moscow in search of the infamous alleged pee tape—later revealing that he was shadowed by Russian agents during his fact-finding mission—and now he’s gone to Washington, D.C. to grill congressmen on the Trump-Russia probe.
First up was Adam Schiff (D-Ca.), ranking member of the House Intelligence Committee. Colbert sat down with the congressman, first telling him, “OK, so of all the people who have no power [on the House Intel Committee], you’re number one.”
Colbert then proceeded to pester Congressman Schiff repeatedly on the Trump-Russia collusion investigation, asking him to rate the explosiveness of the intel he has on “the grunt scale” (he politely declined), and then saying, “Do you have testimony that you’d like to tell me about but you can’t,” to which Schiff flatly replied, “Yes,” but refused to elaborate further. The comedian then held up photos of Jared Kushner and Donald Trump, Jr., asking them how “guilty” they were, only to be met with more silence. Schiff did, however, say that he “did not consider” subpoenaing Omarosa Manigault-Newman.
Following his Schiff showdown, Colbert attempted to distribute a redacted (fake) memo throughout the halls of Congress with the message, “Investigation Update: Devin Nunes is a [redacted].” He even brought the memo to Senator Jeff Flake (R-Az.) and asked him to fill in the blank, but the congressman didn’t take the bait, saying things like “Californian” and “former dairy farmer.” So Colbert stole his tiny senator’s office rug.
The last person to get the Colbert treatment was Senator Mark Warner (D-Va.), the Vice Chair of the Senate Intelligence Committee.
“Have you seen—and I want to say this is the nicest way possible…the pee-pee tape?” asked Colbert. “No,” Warner replied, before adding, “Stay tuned.”
Colbert wasn’t finished, firing off more questions:
“Have you been able to find out how much money the President has received from the Russians?”
“Isn’t Donald Trump, in a way, the ultimate bipartisan, because he is serving both America and Russia?”
“How much more information is there to come out?”
Warner wouldn’t budge.
“Just say anything! Give me a hint! Anything!” shouted Colbert. “Just blink it out in Morse code! Tell me anything! Don’t you understand? We’re dying out here! We’re drowning in ignorance! Tell us what happened! You will tell us eventually, right? You will tell us something?”
“We will tell you eventually,” Warner assured him.
And with that, Colbert gifted Sen. Warner with Sen. Flake’s rug.