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Recession Fugitive Arrested

The D.B. Cooper of the recession has been arrested: Marcus Schrenker, the Indiana financial advisor who faked his own death in an attempt to escape federal authorities, was apprehended last night at a campground in Quincy, Florida. On Sunday, as he flew his private plane from Florida to Indianapolis, Schrenker phoned air-traffic control to say that his plane's windshield was broken and that he was bleeding profusely. When officials found the crashed plane hours later, however, the windshield was intact and there was no body. Turns out Schrenker had parachuted out and then escaped back to Florida. He had apparently tried to commit suicide in Florida by slitting one of his wrists, but authorities said the wound was not life-threatening.