Louis C.K. left the political comedy to Jon Stewart at Tuesday night’s Stand Up for Heroes benefit in New York City. But earlier in the day, when he stopped by one of Conan O’Brien’s shows at the Apollo Theater, he did not hesitate to share his opinions about this insane presidential election.
“I’m going to vote for Hillary,” C.K. said at the risk of “splitting” his audience in half. And it’s not a lukewarm, “lesser of two evils” type of choice for him. “I think she’s great,” he said. “I think she’s super smart and I would take her over anybody.” He’s less excited about having the first woman in the White House than he is about having the first “mother” to lead the country.
“A mother, she’s got it, she just does it, she feeds you and teaches you, she protects you, she takes care of shit,” C.K. explained. “We’ve had 240 years of fathers. Father after father. Bald fathers, fat fathers, every kind of father. And fathers are OK, I’m a father. A great father can give a kid 40 percent of his needs, tops.”
“Any mother, just a shit mother, just a not-even-trying mother?” he added. “Two-hundred percent.”
C.K. started to say he has nothing against anyone who would vote for Donald Trump, but he stopped himself, saying he’s not sure the country can take four years of a guy who is incapable of being “criticized.”
“What’s more important about a president than that you can shit all over them? That’s what presidents are for,” he said. “This guy, every time he’s criticized, everything stops and he makes everybody pay. That’s not how it works.”
Back in March, before Trump had locked up the Republican nomination, C.K. wrote a scathing letter to his email subscribers that equated the candidate with Adolf Hitler.
“Please stop it with voting for Trump. It was funny for a little while. But the guy is Hitler,” C.K. wrote. “And by that I mean that we are being Germany in the ’30s. Do you think they saw the shit coming? Hitler was just some hilarious and refreshing dude with a weird comb-over who would say anything at all.”
Instead of someone as thin-skinned as Trump, C.K. told O’Brien that America needs someone who can “take abuse.” And no one has taken more abuse than Hillary Clinton. To any liberals watching who aren’t sure if they are going to vote for the Democratic nominee, he said, “You’re a piece of shit.”
“I don’t want somebody who is likable or cool anymore,” C.K. added. “We need somebody who is two-faced, conniving, crazy!” In other words, “A tough bitch mother who nobody likes.”
In the end, he summed up the choice for voters in 2016 better than anyone else has managed to so far: “I think if you vote for Hillary you’re a grownup, if you vote for Trump you’re a sucker, and if you don’t vote for anybody you’re an asshole.”
UPDATE, Nov. 2, 2:00 p.m. ET: Hillary Clinton got the message and had just one correction for Louis C.K.