John Oliver had a lot to sink his teeth into this week. And on Sunday night, the comedian dedicated the opening portion of Last Week Tonight to President Donald Trump—or “a man who will one day be remembered by his great-great-grandchildren as the reason they had to change their last names” (his words).
The HBO host threw to a clip of the president surveying the tornado damage in Alabama, before seguing to his bizarre ritual of autographing Bibles for locals in a Baptist church.
“Of course he did,” said Oliver. “I am not remotely surprised that Trump did that, I’m just slightly confused as to why anyone would want him to, because seeing Trump’s autograph on a Bible should be like seeing a picture of your own Mom on the cover of a Penthouse magazine: it should render the whole thing useless, and if you keep reading after discovering it, you’re going directly to hell.”
“And look, some people there clearly wanted his autograph and presidents have signed Bibles before, but Trump didn’t just sign the book—he signed the cover!” he continued. “And it is weird to sign the cover of any book, and weirder still to sign the cover of the Bible with this signature”—he said, before pointing to the president’s EKG-like signature. “Because I don’t care what your name is, that is not how you sign something. That’s how you test if your Sharpie still has ink left before you sign something.”
As most of us know by now, Donald “Two Corinthians” Trump, a man who allegedly conducted an affair with his first mistress while his wife took their three children to church services in Manhattan, isn’t exactly a biblical scholar.
“I know it’s easy to make jokes about how Donald Trump has no idea what’s inside a Bible, but that’s only because, as we learned when he ran for president, he really has no idea what is inside a Bible,” cracked Oliver.
He then threw to footage of a 2015 interview with Trump on With All Due Respect, a since-canceled Bloomberg show that was co-hosted by Mark Halperin, who like Trump was accused of sexual harassment by multiple women.
“You mentioned the Bible, you’ve been talking about how it’s your favorite book, and you said, I think last night in Iowa, some people are surprised that you say that,” Halperin asked Trump. “I’m wondering what one or two of your most favorite Bible verses are, and why.”
“I wouldn’t want to get into it, because to me, that’s very personal,” Trump very unconvincingly replied. “When I talk about the Bible, it’s very personal… The Bible means a lot to me, but I don’t want to get into specifics. I don’t want to do that.”
“Old Testament guy or New Testament guy?” chimed in co-host John Heilemann.
Cue Trump: “Probably… equal.”
“Goddammit that was funny!” Oliver exclaimed. “But think about what you’re actually laughing about there: that is a future president joyfully and transparently lying about the Bible being his favorite book and being unable to name a single passage from it… That exchange is actually emblematic of something that happens a lot: it’s Trump being a terrible human being, dangerously idiotic, and somehow undeniably funny.”