John Oliver has a complicated relationship with election season. Back in 2008, while working as a correspondent for The Daily Show, the British comedian was on the run from security at the Republican National Convention when he happened upon a group of military veterans. One of the vets, U.S. Army combat medic Kate Norley, helped shield Oliver from his convention foes. They began exchanging texts, and three years later were pronounced husband and wife.
That was then. The 2016 presidential election season, on the other hand, has been a nightmare for all of us—including Oliver. Sure, he took home a much-deserved Emmy for Outstanding Variety Series, officially positioning him as the heir apparent to Jon Stewart, but he’s also offered up that very Emmy Award to Donald Trump if the former reality-TV show host, who never won the Emmy for his outrageous competition series The Apprentice, agrees to deliver a concession speech should he lose in the general.
“We did not want to talk about the election at all this week. We so wanted to give everyone a break,” said an emotionally drained Oliver during Sunday’s edition of Last Week Tonight.
And so, with a “a heavy heart,” Oliver addressed the recent fracas over Hillary Clinton’s Emailgate—including the vague letter FBI Director James Comey sent out Friday informing Congress that the bureau would be examining thousands of emails that may be connected to Clinton’s case, and subsequent news reports confirming the emails came from disgraced ex-Congressman Anthony Weiner’s computer (Weiner was married to longtime—and long-suffering—Clinton aide Huma Abedin), stemming from a separate investigation into Weiner’s alleged sexting with a 15-year-old girl.
“It seems Anthony Weiner is forcing the nation to relitigate the entire email controversy, and putting Hillary Clinton’s chances of winning the presidency in serious danger—Carlos Danger,” joked Oliver.
He continued: “Perhaps the most frustrating thing about all of this is that we don’t know yet whether this is a huge problem or whether it’s barely a problem at all, because FBI Director James Comey pointed out in his letter to Congress that ‘the FBI cannot yet assess whether or not this material may be significant,’ and sources have since dampened expectations of what might emerge.”Indeed, news reports have emerged suggesting that Hillary Clinton is not implicated in any of the emails and that she did not send them (if you recall, FBI Director Comey all but closed the Clinton email case nearly four months ago, stating in a bizarre press conference that “no reasonable prosecutor would bring such a case”). As for the new development, quoting an FBI official close to the investigation, the Los Angeles Times reported “the emails were not to or from Clinton, and contained information that appeared to be more of what agents had already uncovered… but in an abundance of caution, they felt they needed to further scrutinize them.”
“OK, so nine days out from the election, the FBI has basically delivered us the equivalent of a mystery box. And like the box from the end of Se7en, it could contain anything from nothing to Gwyneth Paltrow’s head—although it almost definitely contains Anthony Weiner’s penis,” quipped Oliver. “And the chances of getting this resolved before the election seem slim.”Since there are thousands of emails to examine, there is no way in hell that the latest chapter in the neverending Emailgate saga will be closed by Election Day.
“So, to recap: The grinding hell of this election has thrown in yet another twist—with the election hanging in the balance—all thanks to the fact that Anthony Weiner allegedly sexted with a 15-year-old girl,” exclaimed Oliver. “We have burrowed through not just rock bottom, but through the core of the earth. And we’ve come bursting out the other side, startling kangaroos, and we’re currently hurtling toward outer space where there is no up, down, light, or darkness—just an endless void in which death comes as sweet, sweet relief. Please let this thing be over soon!”