Forget acting, what Joaquin Phoenix really wants to do is direc—oh, wait, rap. The bearded, one-time poster boy for how to make smart career choices in Hollywood continues to claim his rap career, initially executed poorly (and mumbly) at a Las Vegas club, is not a hoax. “I just don’t feel challenged by acting anymore. I don’t enjoy the process anymore,” he tells New York magazine. However, hip-hop doesn’t seem to provide much solace. “It’s been really nerve-wracking, because there’s literally people there heckling you. It was really difficult,” he says, and continues, “I realize that part of it might seem ridiculous to other people, but I can’t concern myself with that.” Future collaborators may include P. Diddy and actor Dermot Mulroney, whom Phoenix calls an “amazing cellist.” Phoenix plays a bipolar man alongside Gwyneth Paltrow in the upcoming drama Two Lovers, which might just be his last role on the big screen.