Jim Gilmore Wins Undercard Debate

In what has been promised to be the final undercard debate, former governor of Virginia Jim Gilmore clearly came out the winner as he briefly trended on Twitter while the other warm bodies on stage failed to register with viewers. Carly Fiorina was mad about Hillary Clinton; Rick Santorum was mad at the media; and Mike Huckabee continued his excruciating references to Adele’s music. But Jim Gilmore, the self-described “Son of a Meat-Cutter,” managed to gain some relevancy, after consistently polling at a maximum of 1 percent, by setting himself apart from the other longshot candidates. It truly was his finest hour.

Gideon Resnick