Guy Fieri’s Restaurant Brutally Panned

Just over 1,000 words and entirely composed of angry questions, The New York Times’s review of Guy Fieri’s restaurant Guy’s American Kitchen & Bar is ruthless, unrelenting, and brutal. The host of NBC’s short-lived Minute to Win It and the Food Network’s Diner, Drive-Ins, and Dives, known for his blond highlights and seemingly Red Bull–induced high energy, probably didn’t see this coming. Instead of trying to explain this epic slamming, here we offer a few quotes from the review: “Were you struck by how very far from awesome the Awesome Pretzel Chicken Tenders are?” “Why is one of the few things on your menu that can be eaten without fear or regret—a lunch-only sandwich of chopped soy-glazed pork with coleslaw and cucumbers—called a Roasted Pork Bahn Mi, when it resembles that item about as much as you resemble Emily Dickinson?” “Hey, did you try that blue drink, the one that glows like nuclear waste?”