Holy Moses! I’ve read all 1,664 pages from E.L. James’s Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy, and I’m ashamed to admit that a few of the overused words and phrases in the series have crept into my vocabulary.
Anastasia’s “inner goddess,” Christian’s dirty talk, and “Mrs. Elena Bitch Troll Robinson” return in Fifty Shades Freed, the third and final installment of the series. But Anastasia is now significantly more “dominant,” and Christian is significantly less mysterious.
There are several page-turning side plots and, thankfully, enough “kinky f--kery” to keep readers entertained between long passages of prosaic, recycled dialogue (“I want to make your dreams come true, Anastasia.” “You are my dreams come true, Christian.” “You. Make. Me. So. Happy. I. Love. You.”)
Frankly, all the spanking and whipping and thrusting has left me exhausted, but no less intrigued to see how it plays out on the big screen. Until then, the most-X-rated scenes from book three.
Christian handcuffs Anastasia, warns “I’m going to f--k you till you scream” (and she does—“loudly”).“Without taking his eyes off me, he gets up from the bed and gathers both sets of handcuffs. He grasps my left leg and snaps one cuff around my ankle. Oh! … ‘Now hug your knees.’ My left hand is tied to my left ankle, my right hand to my right leg. ‘Now, I’m going to f--k you till you scream.’
He groans loudly and thrusts deep, again and again, over and over, and I am lost, trying to absorb the pleasure. I detonate around him, again and again, round and round, screaming loudly as my orgasm rips me apart, scorching through me like a wildfire, consuming everything.” (Pages 30, 36)
Anastasia shaves ... down there! Then Christian touches her up.“‘Well, what have we here?’ Christian plants a kiss where, until this morning, I had pubic hair ... ’I think you missed a bit,’ he mutters and tugs gently, right underneath ... With a gentleness that surprises me, he runs the razor over my sensitive flesh ... ‘There—that’s more like it ...’ He grins wickedly and slowly eases a finger inside me.” (49, 50, 51)
A car chase! Someone’s after Christian! But they escape and have sex in a parking lot, and it’s “so hot!”“That car chase was exciting. Too exciting. Terrifying ... and the fear has jump-started my libido. ‘I want you. Now.’ [Christian] tilts his head to one side and stares at me for a few moments. ‘Mrs. Grey, how very brazen,’ he whispers ... ‘Hands on my knees, baby. Lean forward. Lift that glorious ass in the air.’ I’m in a public lot! This is so hot! I push up with my feet, and he tilts himself into me—in and out. I groan loudly. My left hand curls around the hand brake, my right hand braced against the door ... ‘Come on, baby, I want to hear you.’” (104, 105, 106)
Spanking, a butt plug, and more kinky f---ery. “‘Do you want me to spank you, Anastasia?’ Everything south of my waist tightens deliciously. I realize I’ve wanted this since he threatened me during lunch ... He smacks me hard so I cry out, then sticks two fingers inside me. He withdraws them immediately, spreading the moisture up, over, and around my anus ... ‘I have a small present for you here,’ Christian whispers. Holy crap. A butt plug ... He cups my sex and his fingers gently caress my clitoris ... He pushes the cold plug slowly into me ... It’s heavy ... and strange ... There!” (115, 116, 117)
Anastasia’s “inner goddess” gets jealous of their interior decorator, puts on her “gladiatrix outfit.”“Does he know that she’s attracted to him and is being too obvious about it? Or maybe he’s just sending a message loud and clear to this woman that he’s taken. Mine. Yeah, bitch—mine. My inner goddess is wearing her gladiatrix outfit, and she’s taking no prisoners.” (160)
Anastasia has really come out of her shell, but she’s still got a few things to learn ...“‘You have such beautiful breasts, Ana.’ He groans. ‘One day I’ll f--k them.’ What the hell does that mean? Opening my eyes, I gape down at him as he suckles me, my skin singing under his touch ... And it burns deliciously hot and low, deep inside me, and all thought evaporates as my body tightens and clenches ... pining for release.” (176)
The tables have turned! Anastasia dominates Christian after he pisses her off.“F--k this. I struggle and twist, determined to buck him off me. I place my heels under his behind and push. He doesn’t move ... He lifts me up and slowly lowers me onto him so I’m straddling him ... This is it. This is what I want. This is what I need. Curling my arms around his neck, I twist my fingers in his hair. Glorying in the feeling of him inside me. I start to move. Taking control, taking him at my pace, at my speed.” (316, 317)
Another milestone! Anastasia touches herself and lets Christian watch.“‘Tease yourself.’ Oh my. I tug gently on my nipples. ‘Harder,’ Christian urges ... I groan in response and pull harder on my nipples feeling them stiffen and lengthen beneath my touch. This is so ... erotic. My left hand skims over my sex, and I rub in a slow circle, my mouth an O as I pant.” (398)
Christian gets drunk with “Mrs. Elena Bitch Troll Robinson” after Anastasia tells him they’re having a “Little Blip” (she’s pregnant).“‘I like the feel of this fabric on you, Anastay-shia,’ he says, slurring his words. ‘You should always be in satin or silk.’ He runs his hands up and down my hips then jerks me forward pressing his mouth against my belly. ‘And we have an invader in here.’ I stop breathing. Holy cow. He’s talking to Little Blip ... His BlackBerry falls to the floor ... I can see my text, and above it, another. It’s from her. Mrs. Elena Bitch Troll Robinson. Shit. That’s where he went.” (424, 425)
Anastasia forgives him, Christian gets used to Little Blip, and they still find time for kinky f--kery after Little Blip is born.“‘You have such a f--kable mouth, Mrs. Grey.’ He closes his eyes and eases into my mouth as I squeeze him between my lips, running my tongue over and around him. I take him deeper and withdraw, again and again and again, the air hissing between his teeth ... He grasps my shoulders and pulls me to my feet, grabbing my braid, he kisses me hard, his persistent tongue greedy and giving at once. ‘Wrap your legs around my waist,’ he orders. I tighten my legs around him and push against him. He groans and starts to move, really move, pounding into me again and again. ‘Yes,’ I gasp, tightening my hold on him as I start to build ... he moans, grinding into me with renewed determination ... and I’m close. Oh, please. Don’t stop.” (536, 537)