KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS
Erect Nipples, Blindfolds, and ‘50 Shades’ of Deja Vu
Yes, we saw Anastasia blindfolded and tied up in the first trailer, but it’s worth noting that this one shows her blindfolded and tied up from a different angle.
The masterminds behind the much-ballyhooed Fifty Shades of Grey film are working its premise into their marketing, teasing viewers with a new trailer that will leave fans of the mommy-porn phenomenon gagging for more. So what if it recycles much of the same tedious dialogue, heavy breathing, and vanilla sexual tension as this summer’s teaser?
We get to see a few more seconds of Christian Grey’s (Jamie Dornan) sinewy back, sculpted abs, and erect nipples. And more of his toys: a shot of his sexy grey car; several glimpses of his grey helicopter, “Charlie Tango”; a tantalizing close-up on his grey tie drawer.
Yes, we saw Anastasia blindfolded and tied up in the first trailer, but it’s worth noting that this one shows her blindfolded and tied up from a different angle. We’re also treated to a few flashes of foreplay—a whip grazing Anastasia’s thigh; Christian dribbling ice down Anastasia’s stomach and kissing the edges of her fetching little girls’ underwear—all to the tune of another sultry Beyoncé song, “Haunted.” (An ominously slow version of “Crazy in Love” soundtracks the last trailer).
Thanks to those fleeting foreplay scenes, the new trailer is ever so slightly racier than the last one, as multiple media outlets have pointed out. Never mind that we don’t see more action in the Red Room of Pain.
Next to the soundtrack, the most promising thing about the film might be Jamie Dornan’s brooding, seductive gaze, which he deployed rather effectively as the lothario in Sophia Coppola’s Marie Antoinette. (For those who don’t remember Dornan as The Doyenne’s paramour, here’s a refresher clip of him seducing Kirsten Dunst.)
Perhaps the Fifty Shades producers will indulge us with more teaser trailers before the film’s release on Valentine’s Day, sort of like Lars Von Trier did with Nymphomaniac, but with much more left to the imagination. Indeed, likely too much left to the imagination. And I don’t suspect the film in its entirety will be significantly more prurient or satisfying.
It's an adaptation of E.L. James’s bestselling “BDSM" Cinderella story, after all. We should be thankful that—thus far—there’s been no mention of Anastasia’s insufferable inner goddess.