Brad Pitt Attacked at Premiere

Middle-aged women around the world gasped late Wednesday night when reports surfaced that a crazed man had jumped the barrier at the premiere of Angelina Jolie’s new Disney movie, Maleficent. It turns out the man, who was detained by the LAPD just after making contact with Brad Pitt, was none other than Vitalii Sediuk. Sediuk has a history in this department—he has previously tried to kiss Will Smith, was arrested after a run-in with Jennifer Lopez while crashing the Grammys, and buried his face in Leonardo DiCaprio’s crotch on a red carpet.