As Bill Maher joked earlier in the week, this year he got Donald Trump for his birthday.
Yes, Friday, January 20th marked both the inauguration of the 45th president of the United States and the Real Time host’s 61st birthday. He was not exactly in the mood to celebrate when his show returned to the air for the first time since the week of the 2016 election.
With a new theme song, new opening credits and a brand new set, Maher took the stage and made one more joke about getting Trump for his birthday. It made sense, he said, because, “What does every kid want for his birthday? A clown!”
“It happened. It really happened,” Maher said. “We Americans have a new leader: Vladimir Putin.” While some Trump fans are calling this election a “reckoning,” Maher agreed, adding, “I reckon we’re all fucked.”
Instead of “raise your right hand,” he joked that Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts told Trump to “raise your right pussy-grabber.” And despite promises from the Trump transition team, Maher didn’t find the inauguration “classy” or “uplifting” and “unifying,” but rather, “joyless and ugly and divisive.” If there was a theme, he said it was, “Once you go black, you can go back. Mic drop!”
Amid all the “hoopla,” Maher reminded viewers that Trump was inaugurated as the FBI and five other agencies are reportedly probing ties between his campaign and the Kremlin. For the record, Maher said, “I do not believe our new President Donald Trump paid Russian prostitutes to pee on him.” After a pause, he added, “I believe they did it, I just don’t believe he paid them!”
Following a chat about the “predator-in-chief” with “the most gorgeous old lady in the world,” Jane Fonda, Maher welcomed his panel for the night. And on this night, he decided he didn’t need any Trump supporters with him.
Things didn’t really heat up until he brought on his mid-show guest, Keith Olbermann, who has clearly been itching to get back on TV to talk politics. Comparing the “inauguration” to a “coup d'état” by a “Russian puppet,” Olbermann urged those who oppose Trump to “fight” everything he does at all costs.
Olbermann confirmed that he agrees with Congressman John Lewis, saying “I am on that page, because he’s not a legitimate president.” And he went even further: “We were invaded,” he said, adding, “just because there’s not blood on the streets” doesn’t change that fact. While Maher was not willing to call Trump a “Russian puppet,” he did say, “He’s acting exactly like a man who they do have a pee tape of.”
Maher also had a message to Bill and Hillary Clinton, who graciously showed up at the inauguration despite everything they’ve been through over the past two years: “Thank you for 30 years of service, and now I never want to see either of you ever again.” He marveled at the fact that the Democratic candidate showed her face in public after Trump and his followers threatened to put her in jail.
For his final “New Rule” of the night, Maher implored liberals to stop calling Trump voters “idiots and fools” and instead “call them what they are: fucking drug addicts.” Then he said something he never thought he’d have to say: “Kids, don’t do heroin, it’s a gateway to being a Republican.”