Word on the street is that bloodthirsty exes Katy Perry and John Mayer are teaming up to take down adorable blonde giraffe Taylor Swift. Bambi eyes aside, Swift hasn’t been coy about her beef with the narcissistic neighborhood skank.
Oh, and she’s also pissed at Katy Perry.
In her 2010 album Speak Now, Swift blasted Mayer on the popular track “Dear John,” crooning: “Don’t you think 19 is too young to be played by your dark twisted games.” Swift didn’t even bother using a pseudonym—because she’s Taylor freaking Swift, and she gives zero shits. While the country-pop star was busy selling out arena tours and throwing cat tea parties, Mayer was nursing his wounds. In a 2012 interview with Rolling Stone, Mayer ugly cried that he was “really humiliated” by the song, and it made him “feel terrible.” He also picked on the extremely successful Swift’s musicianship, accusing her of “cheap songwriting,” a rare form of public, post-relationship negging that even the most hardened pick-up artists would probably feel a little gross about.
While T Swift catapulted to fame with her “girls rule boys drool” style of songwriting, she decided to break the mold with 2014’s “Bad Blood,” a story of love and betrayal that’s (shocker!) totally girl-centric. While “Bad Blood” may pass the Bechdel test, the sonic smear campaign isn’t exactly a feminist triumph. In fact, it sounds like if the angriest popular girl at your middle school bought some studio time and an auto-tuner. The diss track boasts lines like, “‘Cause, baby, now we got bad blood / You know it used to be mad love / So take a look at what you’ve done / ‘Cause baby, now we got bad blood / HEY!”
In what’s apparently the music industry’s equivalent of passing notes in homeroom, Swift also spoke to Rolling Stone, confirming that the song was about a female pop artist and explaining that, “For years, I was never sure if we were friends or not,” until she “basically tried to sabotage an entire arena tour.” Subtle, Swift sure isn’t—everybody knows that a host of Swift’s backup dancers jumped ship from her Red tour and hopped on Perry’s Prism bandwagon. If Swift’s pseudo-coy cattiness wasn’t juvenile enough, Perry responded with an actual Mean Girls reference, tweeting “Watch out for the Regina George in sheep’s clothing…” Then Taylor Swift locked herself in the bathroom at lunch and Katy Perry asked the entire cafeteria if John Mayer’s hair looks sexy pushed back (spoiler alert: it doesn’t).
With the scoreboard set at Swift: 2, Perry and Mayer: basically irrelevant, the disgraced duo are apparently trying to get even. According to an anonymous source whose father may or may not be the inventor of Toaster Strudel, Katy Perry is planning to call Taylor out in an upcoming “anthemic-type song” that will feature some exclusive dirt courtesy of John Mayer. Does this mean that Perry and Mayer are back on? Is this brutal diss track actually happening? Only time (or Perry’s tell-all AIM status) will tell!