DOING THE DEED

1st Intercourse Was 'Square Dance Style'

It turns out that the mattress mambo was first performed “sideways, square dance style.” A group of Australian paleontologists have discovered that ancient fish from 430 million years ago were the first animals to develop male and female genitals and have internal sex. By studying fossils and creating 3-D models, Professor John Long and his team at Flinders University in Adelaide figured out how these ancient fish would have had intercourse. Males had an “L-shaped sexual organ,” said Long, while females had “genital plates, which are like cheese graters–very rough –so they act like Velcro.” These unusual shapes determined how the ancient fish did the deed. “When you look at the shape of these structures they can't possibly do anything in a missionary position," he said. “The only way possible they can do it is sideways, square dance style, with their little arms entangled.”